I’ve spent the last hour arguing with the TV. Also, I’m losing.
Dear Rosetta Stone,
My roommate got a free demo of your Spanish program, and I want a Russian demo. PLEASE. I can’t figure out how to navigate your website and I just want to speak Russian better. Ya goveryoo pa-rooskii polkha. :(
Yesterday, I looked up the info on my new birth control for the first time (I’ve been on it for a month) and found out some new things. For one, you’re not supposed to wear contacts while you’re on it (ohh… maybe THIS is why the hole in my eyeball hasn’t totally healed yet…). Also, it’s supposed to cause a decrease in sexual desire. …what? Yeah....
my roommates think i'm weird.
So, my English class was cancelled today
because the teacher’s wife went into labor last night. I told my teacher to be sure to take his wife to McDonald’s on the way to the hospital, and get that bitch a cheeseburger. Sure hope he listened to me. Because having a baby freaking sucks. And you can’t eat for like two days and then you’re trying to take care of a screaming baby and breastfeed after not having eaten...
I will MARRY Tim Roth.
protein is my friend.
…levels of serotonin in couples who are madly in love are comparable to people...– Why Do We Fall In Love? (via amandarae) Amusing.
McPHERSON— Long, Kimberly Ann “Kim,” 38, died June 19, 2007....– That could have been me.
I am going to drive off a bridge.
I seriously just searched 'exotic dancers' in the...
So, I went to go donate blood today and got turned down. AGAIN. No, I don’t have AIDS. It’s seriously down to taking a second housekeeping job or stripping, and I am so sick of cleaning up people’s shit. Or, someone could publish my novel. That’s be nice. October is upon us, my bank account is in the red, I have four bills due and a $50 per week income. Fuck.
You scurvy shyster bastard,” I said. “Watch your language! You’re talking to a...– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. (via motelrazz)
eating whipped cream straight from the can. Depression: check.
why is my life a fucking rollercoaster
Freaking the FUCK out.
Freaking the fuck out.
Lightening can’t strike the same place twice, right?
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie come to mind.
Once, after sex, a man rolled over and said to me, “You know, I bet there’s couples who are a lot better-looking than us that are having a lot worse sex than us.” Bottom line: I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I am awesome in bed. (The man who said this to me happens to be both.)
god i miss you
Watching Candy, wishing I had drugs, eating maple syrup and puking.
i hate it when people sleep past 11.
flippantfloozy: We’re big kids now. It’s time to wake up at big kid times. Unless you’re hungover, you have no reason to be sleeping until noon. It’s a pet peeve. But maybe I’m just old. I’m so glad I’m not the only person who gets seriously ticked off at this. I thought I was just overreacting. Like, it makes me want to punch people in the face. But I’m a hypocrite. Last...
I grocery shop when I'm stressed.
So far: Walmart, Big Lots, and Dollar Tree… this is why I’m the classiest person you know. Did you know you can buy a hundred business-size security envelopes of 88 cents? Dillon’s and Aldi’s are next.
dear fiona apple
you look too much like someone i used to know
i can hear a mouse somehwere in my room
i know its here. i’m going to kill it.
I'M USING ALL CAPS BECAUSE I ACCIDNETALLY WATCHED...
Ok, attempt at sleep abandoned.
sleeep is bad CNS stimulants instead!
Anonymous asked: what the fuck is wrong with you
damn koala bears in their damn fucking opium...
I think I'm the same way with sexual abuse that...
I’m all I OWN THIS, BITCH. I’M TOTALLY IN CONTROL. And then I just look like a flippant douchebag. Sorry, black people.
Pretty sure my roommate has coke.
She keeps telling me about how coke just isn’t her kind of drug… But she keeps singing the months-of-the-year song over and over. JanuaryFebruaryMarchandAprilMAYJUNEJULYANDAUGUSTSepetmberOctoberNovemberandDecember THESEARETHEMONTHSOFTHEYEARRRRRR
Someone keep me awake.
By either asking me questions or by putting something horrid and sexy on my dashboard. Or by delivering me a bale of coke. I don’t want to sleep tonight.
I’ve had a vibrator, four ice cubes, and a vibrating cat toy all shoved up my vagina at the same time. Oh wait it’s not Tuesday.
i'm really quite innocent and inexperienced.
flippantfloozy: I’ve never had anal sex. Never touched a vagina. Never wanted to touch a vagina. Never had sex with a complete stranger. Never given head without reciprocation. I’m practically a virgin. Anal: check. Vagina: check. Vaginas are still gross as fuck: double check. Sex with stranger: check. Head without reciprocation? Okay, I’ve always felt that sex was suffecient...
You think you’ve made a move. Checkmate. You think you’ve retaliated. You think you’re in control. And it amuses me— it really, really does— because all you’re doing is showing me how insecure and scared you are. The facebook-twitter-tumblr stalking thing is oh-so-mature. And guess what? I’m not playing your game. Block me. I don’t care what goes on...
And you might say it’s self-indulgent and it might be self-destructive...
If they mean nothing to you, you will bring me the...
I just had to Google 'how to tell the Kardashians...
My life is falling apart.
People's defriending/ refriending on Facebook...
Like, I really love that people will defriend someone as a power play during a dispute. But it’s even funnier that they’re petty enough to refriend them. I mean, you don’t ‘refriend’ someone in real life. If someone isn’t your friend, then they’re. not. your. friend. End of story. Grow up, kids.
If a man carry a gun all the time, he will kill somebody soon, because the gun...– I love Southern logic.
i look like i just crawled out of a laundry...
My back hurts soooo bad
I think I fell asleep sitting up? t.t
I just spent like an hour playing dress-up.
Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, corsets, teddies, stockings, stilettos, the works. Now I’m wearing a gigantic ugly T-shirt.
I passed a ghost today, when I was driving.
It looked just the way ghosts do in movies.
the other night, a friend and I watched Jeux d’Enfants, which is absolutely my favorite movie. Named my daughter after the protagonist. Haven’t seen it since freshman year of high school. It was a bit more romantic-y than I remembered, but still absolutely the best movie of all time. Expect a shit-ton of annoying Jeux d’Enfants quotes and video clips on your dashboards in the...