This is my very private personal blog and it remains infinitely more popular than my official author blog where I try to come off as a real live professional person/ author.
I'm Mik. I have a love affair with Impalas. I am afraid of spiders and alcoholics. I am a yogurt connoisseur. Future meta-magician. Former logic clinician. Former model. Former bookstore owner. Some other stuff. Currently mother, author, freelance editor and editor for Kleft Jaw Press.
Testimonial from a former roommate:
"Living with you was like living with a quiet little opinionated deer person who floated around like a ghost and said smart/nutso things and ate seaweed. "
I divide my time between Boulder, Colorado and Wichita, Kansas. I love mountains. I love hiking. I read and write. I raise my daughter to the best of my ability. I have lupus and have defeated early-stage cancer twice, so I pretty much fully support the use of medical marijuana.
First off, I’m terribly sorry you’re in so much pain. I truly hope you find something that works, and don’t give up. Keep looking.
I buy products already infused with THC from dispensaries. Where do you live? Would you be able to obtain edibles etc?
I have never tried Rick Simpson’s Hemp Oil, but I’m going to have to look it up. If you live in a state where MMJ is not legal, I would recommend Dixie X. They sell high-CBD hemp products, both topical oil and capsules. They contain no THC or marijuana so they are legal in all 50 states. I haven’t tried their hemp products but the same people own a separate company, also called Dixie, that makes edibles and ointments from cannabis and they’re great. But if you live somewhere where THC and cannabis are illegal/ you can’t get them, I would think Dixie X would be a decent alternative. CBDs can help reduce inflammation, which may help to reduce your pain, as well as fighting cancer and tumors and autoimmune responses.
Hemp and CBDs don’t have any side effects that I know of. Edibles containing THC can get you pretty high, perhaps higher than you intend, which can make you very dizzy and disoriented. Always go slow with edibles. If it’s not kicking in fast enough, eat a spoonful of peanut butter instead of a second serving.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope you are able to find a product or practice to help you control your pain and inflammation.
This seems counterintuitive, because I have an extremely addictive personality. I’ve had eating disorders and been in abusive relationships. I get addicted to eating, not eating, working out, counting, writing, cutting, cold showers, being alone, being with someone, being with anyone, sleeping a certain way, punishing myself, punishing others. I get addicted to behaviors.
But I’ve never been addicted to, say, smoking. I’ve smoked ten or twelve packs of cigarettes in my life. I’ll smoke a cigarette a day. I’ll smoke a pack a day. I’ll stop entirely. No withdrawal. I’ve popped ritalin, called myself an addict, but no. I was addicted to losing weight. Ritalin was a tool. I was never addicted to ritalin or adderral. I drank. I drank a lot. I was addicted to attention, not to alcohol.
Painkillers have never fazed me. I was prescribed percocet after childbirth. I took three and sold the rest. I was prescribed Lortab after getting my wisdom teeth taken out, and again after laser aberration for cancer. To me, they felt like taking 3 or 4 ibuprofen. It dulled the pain. It wasn’t wonderful. I never wanted more.
Oh. But then I got in a bike wreck.
A month ago. I still have a hematoma on my chin. I dented an Impala with my face. And I busted my lady parts. Lacerations, vulva swollen to the size of a mango, purple, couldn’t walk. In the E.R., they gave me fentanyl by IV. It is commonly used for treating gunshot wounds. Overdose have occurred in those who handle skin patches with their bare hands.
"Do you feel it yet?" the doctor asked. "You’ll start to feel dizzy."
"Not yet," I cried/ groaned/ grimaced.
"I need to start working anyway," she said.
And then I felt it. Relief.
In the hospital, they gave me two Vicodin. They gave me 6 more to last the next day, and a prescription for 30. I was told to take it for 2 weeks.
I took 2 over the next 24 hours. I felt great. I felt peaceful. The next day, I took just one, and instead of waiting for it to wear off and take another, I start smoking pot about an hour before I anticipated it wearing off. I was high when the Vicodin wore off and the pain came back. It hurt like hell, but it was manageable.
Over the next week, I only smoked pot. No more Vicodin. It hurt and I wanted Vicodin, but I never took it. I had surgery to remove a hematoma a week later. I did it with no painkillers.
Every day, I still crave Vicodin. I want one so bad. And it’s scary, because I’ve never been physically addicted to anything before in my life. Quitting smoking never bothered me. And I watch my boyfriend go through the struggle of quitting smoking, shaking when he wants one, practically turning into another person in his agitation. And I wonder, how the fuck is it legal to prescribe Vicodin?
It’s a new month, and (hopefully) my last full month in Kansas (lease is up July 5). I have some goals I’d like to accomplish during the month of June:
If you exclude people who are important to me and are just talking about things, then honestly, marijuana is probably the greatest thing to ever happen to me. It helped me regain my mental health while I was recovering from anorexia and a whole host of anxiety disorders, and I am optimistic about its effects on my physical health as well. But honestly, even if I never go into remission from lupus and am only able to use marijuana to mitigate pain, it’s giving me back part of my life. Still, that is not even comparable to what a relief it is to have my mental health back.
PS I now have TWO plants growing on my window sill! Steve has been joined by my new lil sproutling, Jermaine.
I’m naming them male names because I don’t want to get my hopes up that they’re female.
Being a responsible student is smoking just enough pot to keep me from throwing up, but not so much that I’m too stoned to take my ethics exam in twenty minutes.
I’m currently searching for clinical trials to participate in. Of course the first clinical trial I found in my state was for a medication I have already been on, which caused me to have muscle atrophy, hearing loss, and dementia.
This really sucks. If anyone knows of any clinical trials for lupus that don’t involve chemicals or toxins that might kill me, please let me know.
I need to start a business.
I will bake and sell contraband medical marijuana edibles.
Everyone knows I hate work, I only like eating and getting stoned.